Thoughts from a Reluctant Mom

* (Note: This is a past blog that was originally published on "Uniquely Yours Ministry Blog") *

Hey there friends! So great to be back here with you on Kerrington's wonderful Blog.  As you may have already guessed, I'll be talking to you today about Momma Life in celebration of Mother's Day (which in my opinion, should come at least once a month! hint hint, nudge nudge to all of you Father's reading).

When I was asked to write about this topic, you may be surprised to know that I had absolutely no idea where to start (and truth be told...I'm still feeling my way around as I type even now. ha ha).  I blame this in part on my placenta brain (did I mention, I'm pregnant with #3 right now?), but I think the greater reason would be due to the vast importance of a mother and all of the responsibility, challenges, and joys that come with that title.

It now shames me to say it, but as a teenager and even into my mid twenties it was never really my "dream" to be a mom, let alone a stay-at-home mom.  I had always looked on that title as a poor excuse to stay at home and relax while the rest of the world worked at "real" jobs.  When I saw mothers in stores with 4 children or (*gasp*) even more I would immediately classify them in a group I liked to call the "Crazy Van People", and I would think "that will never be me!".  (I'm pretty sure this is why God doesn't paint the whole picture in advance).

Well fast forward to a strong-willed four year old boy, a dramatic two year old diva, and baby number three on the way, and not only have I made the change from working mom with my first child, to stay-at-home mom after my second, but before the end of the year I am also joining the "Crazy Van People" Club.  Talk about eating my words, right?  (I'm sure God had a good laugh over my plans).

So what have I learned about my assumptions since wearing the title "mom"?  A lot.  I've learned a lot.  Such as firstly, how unbelievably wrong and naive I was to think that being a mom was not a real job.  I've experienced many challenging times in my life, from personal and marriage, to friendships, school, college, and careers, however none have been as challenging or rewarding, and caused me to grow as much as being a mom has.

I always say that being a parent is like holding up a mirror to myself because children are the most demanding and selfish little people you will encounter...and rightfully so...they don't know otherwise yet...they just speak what they think.  (If you don't have children you may think I'm being cruel here, but trust me...one day you'll know!  I say it in love for them, and I'm even laughing as I think of the crazy things my kids have done or said that are so ridiculously selfish you have to turn away to hide the laughter.)  On way too many occasions God has shown me my own selfishness reflected in my response to my children's demands for my constant attention, assistance, and time.  The giving and serving can't just be turned off like a tap when you are a parent; kids don't filter when you are tired, grumpy, or busy...and it has shown me how easily I can switch out of serving-mode and into self-serving mode.  At these times, I am so grateful for Christ's forgiveness and grace to strengthen me when I least want to serve, and I am left in awe at the way Jesus continually selflessly served during His time on earth, regardless of how tired He was.

That being said, I have also learned much about a child's ability to love, to forgive quickly, and to forget.  Again, this has been a mirror to me; it amazes me the times that I've messed up, being too quick to an angry response and too slow to apologize, to see how willingly and easily they embrace me and say "it's okay mom" when I've come in tears, sorrowful for my behavior.  It causes me to ask myself, "am I that quick to forgive, to forget, to understand and embrace another when they have wronged me?"  I can only pray that I will be.

Although I can still struggle with feeling significant in those hum-drum days when nothing spectacular happens, it is a process that I am working through, and the more that I find my significance in who I am rather than what I do, the less this struggle has power over me.  I am realizing more and more that I am of value and importance because of how God views me, and as I become secure in that I am free to be a better mom because my worth isn't dependent on how well I "perform" and my children are learning that mistakes (both mine, and theirs) can be valuable lessons.

I'm so happy to say that this past week, although I was sad that I had to miss out on a conference with my husband, I took joy in knowing that I was right where I was supposed to be, loving the responsibility I've been entrusted with, and making an impact on the people who are the most important in my life ...the sweet one's who call me "Momma".

Happy Mother's Day to all of you fabulous Mother's out there - you make a difference, you are valuable, and you are worth celebrating.  Don't forget to take a few moments out of your weekend to let those special women know how loved and appreciated they are. (We love to hear it! Flowers are never a bad idea either) ;)

♥ Crystal