For all you mom's of JK's

It's been forever since I was last on here and life has gotten much busier with an almost 9 month old in the mix but as summer has come to a close things have begun to get back to normal with my son now back to school in the first grade and my daughter to follow tomorrow. Yes, you heard correctly, my sweet little girl of just barely 4 years is beginning Jr Kindergarten tomorrow.  She's been there often enough in the past two years; to drop off her brother with me, or meet his teacher, see a Christmas concert, hear about bus safety, and just today to meet her teachers, however it didn't really sink in that she'd be going herself until tonight. You see, tonight as I went in to give her a kiss after she was asleep, she had her little arm wrapped in a cozy hug around her white, falling-apart sheep pillow... The sheep pillow that had wrapped around her most favorite baby blanket and that she had slept with every night (except when it was in the laundry) until she was three, at which time she had moved into her big girl bed and the sheep pillow and blanket went into hibernation. Not seeing that pillow for over a year made me realize how much a child can grow in a year and how quickly life can pass by and change in that time. It seems like just a heartbeat away that I was laying with her in my hospital bed for our first night together, literally nose-to-nose and lip-to-lip; the first snuggle of many with my affectionate little girl. And now tomorrow she'll be going off to school with her big brother.

I'm trying to convince myself that it's not a huge deal and that she'll do great, but I think that's part of what makes it so difficult for us mom's. We know that our children are resilient, we know that given the opportunity, they will rise to the occasion, we know that these amazing little people will make friends and win hearts, and I think that's what can scare us, or at least me.

Yes, there is the part of me that worries about her getting hurt or feeling alone, but there is a bigger fear than even those; it is the fear that my children won't need me, that the voices of friends, teachers, and even scarier, media and society will begin to become more appealing and louder than mine. It's the fear that snuggling with mom will be old news, and hanging with family a chore, ultimately, it's the fear that says "your job here is done"; and I'm not anywhere near ready to hand my job off to a big scary, ugly world.

So what do we do as mom's, as dad's, as caregivers to these precious children with whom we've been entrusted for such a short time? What do we do to battle these fears? How do we cope with the overwhelming desire to white-knuckle parent our children?

For me, I'll do the only thing I know to do, sometimes only daily, sometimes hourly, but today and tomorrow, by the minute... I'll hand these children off... Not to the hands of a hard, calloused world, but into the hands of my loving Heavenly Father, Who wants the best for them and Who loves them even more than my own love for them.  I'll choose to trust Him, sometimes trembling, and when I feel weak, to call out until His hands grasp mine.  You see, if I don't do this, the only other option is for my fears to control my actions; and instead of being free to guide, nurture, and teach my children allowing them to choose and make both good and bad choices, my hands become closed and clenched around them and the very things I fear will become my reality.

So tonight I take a lesson from my four year old daughter, the one who conquered her lifelong fear of swimming this summer, who finally let go of the steps and swam into the deep and who will bravely walk into her JK classroom tomorrow...I let go... I let go of the fear and the control, and I grab onto perfect love, the perfect love of my Savior.

"You make me brave... You call me out beyond the shores into the waves..." 

(You Make me Brave, by Amanda Cook, Bethel Music)

~ Crystal